When you have to get out...

You must realize that this is not going to be easy! In fact, this is going to hurt a lot! This pain is good though because it lets you know that you're not in a good place. Now, you just need to use this pain to help you realize that you need help to get healthy.

Develop a safety plan! You really need to know what you're going to do if you end up in a problematic situation. This is why it is so important to look at all possible scenarios and develop ways
to get out of each of them as quickly as you possibly can. Don't worry if it's messy! Messy is better than dead!

Here is how...

Take a few minutes to locate the important documents that you need (ie social security card, health insurance cards, if you own a car the title to it, medical records for yourself and your kids, if you can manage it a copy of your latest taxes, etc) and make copies of them. You should then find a safe place to keep these items, in a place that is away from your house, in a place where you can get hold of them quickly.

If you are able to, you should get the credit cards away from him and hide them somewhere he won't be able to find them. This way he won't be able to charge up more bills.

Get a simple cell phone with just the minimal minutes on it so that you have something to use if you get into a dangerous situation. (Remember! Angry men often cut the phone lines to the house, leaving you without any way to call for help.) If you can't get yourself a cell phone, then contact the local women's shelter. Some of them take old cell phones and refurbish them to give to abused women. These phones are collected especially for the women's group by businesses, scout troops, confirmation classes, and others.

Hide an extra set of keys (ie to your car and house) outside of the house. This way, if you need to make a run for it without your purse you'll be prepared.

If possible, you should get yourself a PO Box to which you start sending all of your important mail immediately. That way he can't intercept your mail.

Open up your own checking and savings accounts. While you don't need to put a lot of money in there at first, you should try to find ways to secretly put more money into them.

I encourage you to talk to your local women's shelter! They have many different resources that you can utilize to help you! They, along with advocacy groups in your area, have very valuable information that you can utilize. These groups are there to help you make your plans. They know good lawyers that will help you too. Your lawyer can protect you from numerous things, including all of the junk that your X will try throwing at you. So, in the long run, the cost of a good lawyer will be well worth it, especially if you have kids.

I wish I knew this information before I got out. I wish I had made as many plans as I possibly could have in order to get myself safe. Remember! The most important thing to do is to face your fears. Open your eyes to what you're living with and in. Look at how you're feeling. Look at how he's treating you. Look at what he's saying and/or doing to you. Sure it hurts, but it's better to hurt and deal with the problem than to wait and have it just get worse and possibly wind up dead.


=^..^= Brenda Hoffman
Independent Executive
Discover a way to increase your health and/or income!
E-mail me for more info!
"Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars." - Les Brown (American Songwriter, 1912-2001)



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