Ask, Don't Tell

It is important to remember that battering is not only physical abuse, but it is also emotional abuse in that a batterer takes away all of a person's control in life, sinking his emotional hooks deeply into her, and assuring her that it's all her fault. So everything that you want to say to the battered woman, the woman already knows. You don't need to tell it to her all over again! Sure she is confused and struggling to work through some tough emotional decisions but she knows the answers. There's just a lot of emotional baggage there that she has to work through. Just offer to be there to talk about it. Let her ramble, say dumb things, and work through all of her baggage. You shouldn't do more than 10% of the talking! Your job is to look interested and concerned, to nod, and to say "Tell me more." Of course you can also ask leading, thought-provoking questions (ie "Do you think he'll ever change?"). Of that 10% of the talking that you do actually get to do, you need to make sure that 90% of it is in the form of questions. Don't tell her. Ask her.


=^..^= Brenda Hoffman
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